


A New Reality

by lvs2read



Category: Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Episode: s02e07 My Little Monkey, Gen, Gen Work, Light Angst, Post-Episode: s02e06 Monster (Lucifer TV), Post-Episode: s02e07 My Little Monkey, Prompt Fic, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-01
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:42:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,682
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27819208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lvs2read/pseuds/lvs2read
Summary: Now that she's seen Lucifer's devil face, where does Linda go from here?
Comments: 6
Kudos: 30





	A New Reality

**Author's Note:**

> Written for the prompt: "Write a Lucifer fic with an apology and self doubt." on TropeRoulette's twitter.
> 
> Takes place immediately after s2e06 "Monster" and during/after s2e07 "My Little Monkey".
> 
> Unbeta'd because I don't have one, though I'd love one. Seriously, let me know if you're interested.
> 
> I'm just now dipping my toes into this fandom, and this is my first fic for it - though by no means my first fic anywhere. 
> 
> When the muse speaks, you've got to listen, right?

* * *

**A New Reality**

Dr. Linda Martin sat in her office fighting to keep a grasp on reality as her perceptions of the world around her twisted and tumbled, aligning themselves into a startling new truth: Lucifer Morningstar was the devil. The actual devil. Capital D Devil. Scarred and tortured from spending an eternity in Hell. Hell. Not a metaphor. Never a metaphor. Always the truth. Because Lucifer never lied to her. She just hadn't believed him. Who would? And now she couldn't not. Because she'd seen his true face.

She didn't know how long she sat there trying to come to terms with what she'd seen and what it all meant. She had a vague sense that Lucifer left, that she should snap out of her trance and reassure him, but she couldn't do it. She, who prided herself on her ability to help others work through their emotions, was now having trouble dealing with her own. 

How had she not known the truth before? Had she been willfully obtuse? After all, most patients, as they made progress, dropped whatever mechanisms they hid their pain behind; but Lucifer never wavered, always maintained what he told her was the truth of his situation. 

And as she thought about it, she realized there'd been other clues as well. In his Dr. Canaan persona, Amenadiel's knowledge of the Bible and its theology had been more than impressive. So, when she learned he was really Lucifer's brother, not a fellow psychologist, shouldn't she have put two and two together? Or had her anger and sense of betrayal blinded her?

And what about the way he, Lucifer, and Maze referred to people as "humans"? Who did that? No one, that's who. Unless they weren't human themselves. And if they weren't human, were, in fact, celestial beings, then that meant that Heaven and Hell really existed. That, due to events in her past, she really would go to Hell when she died. Hell. Where, according to Lucifer - and he'd know, wouldn't he? - she would spend eternity being punished by her own guilt.

And that was when the tears started to fall.

\---

The next day she was back at the office. She had patients who needed her, and maybe she needed them, too. Helping them, focusing on their issues, helped her forget about her new reality - at least for that little bit of time. Still, she kept her office door locked, both during and between their sessions. She wasn't afraid. Or so she told herself. She just wasn’t prepared to deal with Lucifer yet, which is why she'd canceled his next appointment. 

Then Maze showed up, knocking on the door and wanting a character reference. 

Last night, when she'd had no more tears left to cry, she'd closed up the office and driven home where she'd eaten a solitary dinner while contemplating everything Lucifer had told her since the day they'd met. She'd spent most of the night going over her notes from their sessions, and somewhere during that time it had hit her - really hit her - that her best friend was a demon spawned in Hell. Not just someone with an unhealthy fascination for knives and torture. A real, honest to goodness - badness? - demon. And, yes, that scared her. 

And now that same demon was outside her door, and she didn't think she was ready to face her. So she breathed a sigh of relief when Maze accepted her silence as the invitation to leave that it was. Only to be scared out of what was left of her mind when she turned from the door to find Maze leaning on her desk. 

She looked in confusion between Maze and the door and back again. "Can you teleport?"

Maze chuffed a laugh. "What? No. You left your window open."

That… didn't make sense. There hadn't been enough time for Maze to open the window in the hall and... But, of course, she hadn't needed to. She was a demon and could probably move through walls or something. 

Linda tried to keep her emotions under control, to not show how scared she was, but she couldn't stop from backing up when Maze approached her. And when Maze realized she knew the truth, it was all she could do to keep the tears at bay even as she admitted her fear. One corner of her mind wondered how many other people knew the truth when Maze said she was taking it well, and she knew she hurt Maze with her inability to accept the woman's… demon's true self, but she couldn't help it. 

The fear was real. Its bitter taste rising at the back of her throat. Her brain fighting the instinct to run. Run far and run fast, never looking back. But she couldn't do that. And even if she could, she doubted she could outrun the truth. So, she had to stay. To find her way through this new reality. And she couldn't do that with Maze standing there in front of her - all hurt, frustrated, and angry. Somewhere, somehow, she found the strength to open the door and say, "Please go," though she couldn't meet Maze's eyes as the demon left. Quickly closing the door, she slumped back against it as the tears once more began to flow.

\---

That night, instead of going through her notes, she searched the internet once more for references to people and events Lucifer had mentioned. The last time she'd done so it had been a cursory search, done with the idea of understanding his metaphors in order to better assist him during their sessions. Now that she knew he wasn't speaking metaphorically, she was interested to see what a deeper search would reveal. 

Much of what she found she had trouble reconciling with what she knew of Lucifer, though she could now understand his hatred of the name Samael. Before, she'd discovered it meant "Lightbringer," but now she found it also meant "Poison of God," and, seriously, who would want to be known as that? Favorite son or no. 

By the time she finished her research her fear had dissipated somewhat as her clinical mind took over. She found the information fascinating and thought it could lead to some rather interesting conversations with Lucifer. If he ever came back. If she even wanted him to. Because, yes, the fear was still there, but it was… different. She wasn't scared of _him_ , or of Maze, not of their actions or their powers. Not any longer. Now she was scared of what it meant about her that she _wanted_ to be Maze's friend. Wanted to keep providing a safe place for Lucifer to work out his issues. - Therapist to the Devil for God's sake! - They'd made so much progress in the last year and a half, come so close to a breakthrough so many times. Surely she'd be able to help him more, now that she knew what she was truly dealing with. Wouldn't she? 

On the other hand, knowing the truth about them, and knowing she couldn't share that truth with anyone else - Who would believe her even if she did? - made her life that much more complicated. The smart thing to do would be to cut all ties with them and move on with her life, ignoring everything she'd learned about this new reality. Wouldn't it?

She was still puzzling it all out when she went to bed and spent another restless night dreaming of angels - fallen or otherwise - and demons with charming personalities.

\---

Life had a way of continuing on whether she was ready or not, so she was back in the office the next day. Still helping patients. Still keeping the door locked. Still agonizing about what she should do with said life.

When Maze knocked at the door just before she closed up for the day, she wanted so badly to open it to her friend, but she hesitated. And as Maze told her excitedly about being able to make money hunting humans - there it was, that turn of phrase that gave truth to Maze's otherworldliness - she was by turns proud, resigned, and amused. Still, she struggled with herself, unable to open the door and let her friend in.

But the hurt in Maze's voice after she rejected the demon's overture of friendship was too much. She couldn't, just couldn't, be responsible for that continued pain. Slowly, carefully, she unlocked the door and opened it part way. The smile on Maze's face lifted her heart, but still… "Maze, how can we be friends?"

In the course of the conversation that followed, Maze said something that brought her some much needed clarity. "He's still the same old Lucifer. You're still Dr. Linda Martin. And I'm still Maze. What's changed?"

What had changed, indeed? Just her perceptions. But Maze was right, everything else remained the same. So, when Maze joked about devouring her soul, she was able to acknowledge the humor, even if she couldn't quite laugh about it. Instead, she gathered her courage and stepped into the hall to join her friend for a drink. Preferably not at Lux, though. She still wasn't quite ready to see Lucifer.

\---

A few hours later she was feeling more her old self. A little bit drunk, yes, but with her equilibrium restored - even if her balance was a little shaky. They hadn't gone to Lux but to another popular club in WeHo. Maze said it was so she could keep an eye on the competition, but Linda didn't care. As long as Lucifer wasn't there, she was happy. She'd been a little nervous and jumpy on the ride over, but Maze's continued excitement about becoming a bounty hunter had her smiling and feeling more centered by the time they arrived.

In between drinks she quizzed Maze on various aspects of her reality. What was Hell really like? Was she really centuries old? Because she didn't look a day over 29. What was it with knives and torture? _Was_ it sexual, or was there more to it? The more questions she asked, the more Maze laughed, which helped her relax, too. Eventually, she stopped asking questions and just soaked up the atmosphere while chatting lazily with Maze, much like any other time they went out.

By the end of the evening she knew she couldn't drive herself home, but alcohol didn't seem to have an effect on Maze's metabolism - One of the perks of being a demon? - so she gratefully accepted the offer of a ride home instead of to the office where she'd left her car. She'd work out the logistics of getting it back tomorrow - when she was sober.

As they pulled up in front of her apartment, she turned to Maze, smiling. "Thank you, Maze."

"What for?" Maze shot her a confused look as she parked on the street.

"For the drinks, the evening, for understanding." Linda waved her hand, encompassing everything she couldn't put into words. "For being my friend when maybe I wasn't being a very good one. I'm… sorry."

"Pfft. Don't worry about it." Maze smiled at her. "After all, it's not every day you learn your best friend's a demon, right?"

Linda laughed. "Right." She reached for her purse. Which was not there. "Shit."

Maze cocked an eyebrow at her. "What's the matter?"

"My keys are in my purse. At the office." She looked at her front door, chewing her lip as she tried to figure out how she was going to get inside.

"Ah." Maze nodded. "Want me to break the lock?"

Linda whipped around, she shouldn't really be surprised, but… "What?! No!" She glanced back toward her apartment. "I'll just contact the super."

"Don't do that. Just wait here, I'll be right back." 

Linda turned back at the sound of Maze's door closing. "Maze?" She wasn't there. As a matter of fact, she wasn't anywhere that Linda could see. What the…? Where was she?

There was a tapping on her car window and she turned to see Maze there, dangling her purse in one hand as she opened the car door. "Here you go."

"What? How?" She got out of the car automatically, but kept glancing between her purse and Maze in confusion. Then she said, almost accusingly, "You said you can't teleport."

Maze chuckled. "I can't. But I _can_ move very, very fast." She handed the purse to Linda. "Consider it a perk of having a demon for a friend. And don't worry, I didn't break the lock to get in. Your office is as safe as it's always been."

"O… K. Thank you, I guess?" Linda could feel her world tilting on its axis again. Perception and reality threatening to knock her equilibrium aside once more. To send her swirling back into the abyss of fear and doubt she'd been fighting against ever since seeing Lucifer's true face. She took a deep breath, willing herself not to crumble in the face of that fear.

Then Maze leaned down to hug her. "No problem. I'm here for you; just remember to keep an open mind."

She hugged Maze back. Tightly. She knew Maze wasn't much for hugging, so was very grateful for the embrace. It helped steady her, bring her back from the abyss. Maze would probably say she wasn't perceptive, didn't understand human emotions, but the timing of the hug made Linda think differently. Regardless, it was the best thing Maze could have done in the moment. With one final squeeze, Linda stepped back, nodding as she gave a somewhat watery chuckle. "Open mind. Got it." She smiled and waved as Maze slid back into the car and drove away.

\---

Later that night, after she'd had something to eat and drunk what felt like at least a quart of water, she knew she had to make a phone call. She could probably wait until morning. After all, she'd put it off this long so what was a few more hours? Still, this would probably be the best time to call without fear of Lucifer actually picking up. He'd be too busy at Lux. 

And she didn't want him to pick up. She wanted to say what she needed to say without him interrupting her. She supposed she could send a text or an email, but that felt just a little bit too impersonal. So a voicemail, while not perfect, would be best. She hoped.

Settling down on the couch, she dialed his number and waited for her cue. And there it was. "You've reached Lucifer Morningstar. Granter of favors. Owner of the most popular nightspot in L.A. Consultant for the LAPD. You know what to do, darling." 

She smiled, amused as always at the order in which he listed his "occupations" and the ego involved to think he didn't even need to mention the name of said nightspot, and waited for the beep. 

Taking a deep breath, she said, "Hello, Lucifer. It's Linda. Listen, about the other day. I… handled the situation badly, and I want to apologize for that. You have been nothing but honest with me since the day we met, and it's my own fault for not believing you. I'm sorry. I hope you can forgive me, because I really would like to continue as your therapist. We've made such good progress in the past, and the trust you showed in revealing yourself to me tells me we can make even more. That is, if I haven't destroyed that trust by my reaction. Again, all I can say is I'm sorry. It won't happen again. Though I might have some questions… Anyway… Good night, and I hope to see you soon." She hesitated then added, "By the way, I'm sure you're aware, but I just wanted to say… Maze is awesome, and don't you ever forget it."

She sighed as she disconnected. It was done. All she could do now was wait to see if he accepted her apology as she accepted that angels, devils and demons were real - and were an integral part of her new reality.

* * *


End file.
